Goombella's Calling
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Something to inspire


"Hey, Viv," said Goombella as she closed her book with a mighty snap. "Why don't you mind your own beeswax?"

Vivian gasped as she heard these words trail off of Goombella's mushroom tongue. The eeriness of the coarse words deeply disturbed her ghostly heart. The marring was like a spatula chipping at grill char from last summer.

"I think it is best that you leave me alone, Vivian," said Goombella with an angry face adorning her complexious complexion like a tiger with sharpened toenails finding dingos in his basement.

Vivian stood up straight with that weird tail/foot thing of hers and boomed in a loud voice: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" She then slammed down her staff and the bridge between the two friendly amigos shattered into teeny-tiny bite-sized pieces.

Goombella rolled her eyes because she so hated Geminis. She then took a Labrador retriever and retrieved Dexter's Lab from the archives of Sega and Lego. The two had recently merged to become the mightiest of all franchises, with brick sets of the blue speedster known as Son Teh Hedgey.

"Corn isn't a burden, it is a financial restitution..." said Vivian, citing the trials and tribulations of the cinematic epic _Interstellar_, written and directed by the one and only Cannoli Brother Leeroy Jenkins. She had been sitting on the table in his kitchen as a gesture of repentance towards mocking his past lasagna last Tuesday night.

Goombella rolled her eyes, R's, and cannolis. She then jabbed at Vivian with her powerful boxing gloves that she had won in a Smash Bros Ultimate tournament against Little Mac.

"So a lot of people are wondering if Little Mac is top tier now since the last patch," said Whacka as he surveyed the platform, dastardly cape blowing in the wind like an epic Bob Seger moment. "It seems like yesterday..."

Speaking of Bob, Bobbery was eating oil in the monastery. He was training to become the most righteous monk since that one guy on that show about that guy on TV.

Goombella eyed Vivian's determination with dissatisfaction. She phoned her boy Frankly who was staying at a moldy old cabin in Upstate New York.

"Really?" said Vivian. "'Cause I'm from flippin' Utica and we are immensely displeased by the appeal of bacon and mollusks."

"I see," said Goombella, readying her battle axe. She used it to do mighty hewing. She then began sewing the hewing back together like an episode of the hit TV show _Guy Fieri's Massive Slam Dunk Salad Bar_. She saw with her own eyes the truth and laid down her weapon and fastened her seat belt.

Vivian fastened her sheet belt because she heard of punny jokes from that one skeleton guy who became a meme back in the day.

That's correct, we are not speaking of stinkin' sans. We are discussing Cortez. Man, is he hot! That is why he and Vivian wed. They were so totes in love like that one song that Elton John sang about hearts worrying about shattering due to Chicken Little mishaps like skies and descendants.

"Ain't no chicky-babe high enough," said Cortez sassily with his stunning accent that melted hearts like hot buttery goodness. The flavour exuded like grandiose gravy from his delectable chops. Yes, everybody and their mama had a huge crush on Cortez. He was almost as hot as Prof. Frankly back in his abby days on the beaches of Peach Beach.

"You smell like pinecones," said Carl Wheezer as he entered with his baggage of used pipe-cleaner insurance. He issued an apology on his own personal social media.

Vivian studied her report to Captain Picard and dotted every I, T, 7, and qualm.

Ah yes, this was the perfect way to address the landfill situation in Wales. Ergo, Vivian began to speak her native language of Welsh and cursed the grounds of the Krusty Krab, like, a hundred times.

"Yo!" said Mr. K of the Krusty K. He took off his legs and donated them to the bank because he loved money more than life itself. He spent no single dollar, only feet credits. The cred was getting to his head tho. Therefore, Mr. Krabs got sent to Weenie Hut Junior for his horrid evasive manoeuvers.

But one thing that the midlife crustacean did achieve in his foul rage of tremendous evil was locking all S-foils into attack position. Captain Antilles was so offended by the size of Krabs's meaty claws. He chopped them off with Vivian's lightsaber and cooked them over the fireplace.

That is because Vivian was actually a Jedi this whole time. She had hid it from Cortez for years and years. Only her son Wedge knew. Yes, the same Wedge who had cooked the claws.

"What is the meaning of this studly charisma?" Cortez asked, showing his spouse his bony pecs and abs. She loved this hotness about him and gave him a postcard for being so genuine about his skeletal musculature.

"Gracias, wife," said Cortez greatly pleased with the heroic acts of goodness. He knew appeal was a surefire way to get Star Points up, but he never knew that the Crystal Stars loved his own skull so much. The spirits that held the stars in place dropped down like comets and handed Cortez their gratification presents. There were seven in all: A spoon, a fork, a knife, a plate, a can of garbanzo beans, an emerald necklace, a totally radical toadstool, and some ugly chicken named Fillmore.

"This chicken is my calling," said Goombella. She realised the importance of having a chicken in your life and dedicated her life to it. Vivian was so proud that she had finally come out of her shell.

For you see, the chicken was actually a symbol the whole time that is a sign of how we coop ourselves inside our own little worlds like inanimate objects, hoping the world progresses by us and we remain oblivious to the natural flow of time. The emergence of our true emotions is what sets us free from the horrors of the unknown. We make our presence known to those around us and become a part of the world ourselves, thus shattering the illusion that we have instilled for ourselves and rejoining with reality in the way it was meant to be the entire duration of the chronological apparition we refer to as "time".

Just don't break turtle shells because that is rude, unkind, and unwanted.

**YES.**


End file.
